Sunday, February 22, 2009


I thought about it for hours.
And I have no idea how to put this into words.

But, I figured that most of my last bulletin was a load of crap, because moving out wouldnt solve anything, just put me into a situation, where I wouldnt have any money.

I decided the best way to deal with things is art. That way, it doesnt have to make sense to anyone, but me.

So anyway, City and colour put it in better words than I could

"And I know its not to get away from me,
You just need a change of scenery
So strange how everything went wrong so fast
And I hope that this confusion does not last

These words might be, too little too late,
And I'm afraid that I have already lost you.
Now three months equals eternity and this will be so hard
And I will long to hold you in my arms

And when you ask do you love me
And I should reply with yes most certainly
And I always hesitate there's something lingering
And I will try harder to be all that I can be."

He will never read this i guess, so like it matters.
This ended worse than they could of expected.
In an arguement.
Who ever wants things to end like that?

I know it going to be all my fault.
And that it is likely to get thrown in my face, and for a while i may even regret it.

But I shouldnt, because for once, I did something for myself.
Now all I want to do is be alone.
Because I have no-one. But thats okay. Kind of.

I will always love him anyway. But he will never know..

Marilyn Monroe knows how to live it...

selfish, impatient Pictures, Images and Photos

the end.

Friday, February 20, 2009

Stop telling me to go with a red light.

Okay. so like.. parents suck right now..

So its 7 weeks 6 days until i am finally 18.
I WAS so excited. Until my mother had to go and ruin it for me.
I can legally be my OWN person. But mum still thinks she can control it.

Im a little confused, because i know she will end up getting the last word. You see... the plan was... because of the bitchiness to move out like... just after i turn 18. Once my grandparents have gone back to England.
But i know i will get held back. But for once its something i want to do. I love Stephen Yates (if he reads this, will have a big cheesy smile) and i seriously think im old enough and mature enough to love someone and live with them.

That way, I can prove not only to myself, but to my mum that I can do things all on my own, at my own pace without her going on at me. See most of our arguements start because of me not doing my washing when SHE says so. But i do it. I do it once a week. Who seriously needs to do washing more often than that? frigg. and okayy. so occassionally my washing lives in the washing basket. But im young.doesnt that mean i can get away with it? If i cant get away with it now when can I?

Plus. mum also goes on because im on the net all the time. . But if I was living with Stephen why would i need to? I could go to like an internet cafe or a friends place every so often just to check emails n things. But honestly it wouldnt bother me that much. I only go on there for crap like this.SO yeahh.

i got asked what I ment by telling me to go with a red light. Well.. you know when traffic lights are red you dont go, well i feel like im being pushed to "go" with a red light. and yeashh.
Okay, so like.. I was inspired to write this by Hayley. Shes sooo much better at this than me.

lolol. But yeah, Im trying.I dont know. Im so confused right now. I feel like I have to take each day as it comes just to make sure I dont overload myself.

All I know right now is...
- I love Stephen Yates.
- My best friends now and always will be Cat, Tash and Sara.
- Work is meh, wherever it is.
- Weekends are your chance to do whatever you want. So dont waste it.
- DONT let your parents control you. Just ignore it.
- andddd.... I LOVE FOOD. :D lololol.
- Oh and one more thing... Hayley is pretty damn rad.

stop Pictures, Images and Photos

"I've been up for days,
Trying to find a way to write my confession down.
Seems every line I writes amiss,
At least this I'll admit.
I never hear that perfect sound.
But then the judge walks and says:
"Boy you cant pretend, You've got to be honest now.
My verdict has come in,
It says I'm guilty for my sins this time.
I thought I could escape,
But then I finally felt the weight."

Oh btw.City and colour are likeeee (Y) Okay, now im just ranting about shit. Whilst watching Will and Grace.And im hungry so im going to go get some foood :D ily to whoever read this :D and now you've read it.. at least comment :D KBYEESS.x x